There’s no doubt that it’s important to have a solid support network of people who are there to offer love, compassion, and insight. In fact, people who deny themselves the chance to connect with others are missing out on a profoundly rewarding part of life—one that can dramatically diminish stress and boost well-being.
However, it’s equally important to be able to draw on your own strength. And to know that you are complete without the input or presence of anyone else.
When you’re self-reliant, you own your choices and take action to ensure that you meet your responsibilities. For example, try to view your finances as being entirely under your control. Resist the urge to over-spend or to go to people that will likely offer you handouts.
In addition, be the one to fix things when life doesn’t go to plan. Do this instead of immediately running to others to clean up the mess. While embracing responsibility might not sound like much fun, it’s also incredibly empowering and can do wonders for your self-esteem.
On a related note, being self-reliant means being the one to make the choices about your future—whether that feels good or bad. The good thing about committing to making your own choices is that you have the final say about your life’s direction. However, the harder part of the process is that it can feel quite comforting to allow others to make choices for you.
If you chronically struggle with being in charge of your decisions, start out with small ones (such as the restaurant choice on your birthday) and gradually work up to larger choices (such as vacation destinations or career paths).
Here are 3 steps for daring decision-making.
The more practical skills you have in your toolkit, the fewer chances there will be for you to feel helpless or need other people to come to your rescue. While you should feel free to call out experts to help you with complicated household problems and mechanical difficulties, it’s great if you can at least do the basics for yourself.
Get some books or join some classes. Try to get a better grasp of everything from plumbing to IT, electronics and cooking.
While you shouldn’t expect yourself to be your own doctor and should always seek medical advice if you are concerned about your health, try to look after your body to minimize the need for treatment and medication.
Work out on a regular basis and eat healthy food most of the time. Try to stay informed about specific diseases that you may be at risk of developing (whether genetic or environmental reasons). All of these actions will make you more confident about relying on your body. It will have the side-effect of making you feel more comfortable with the idea of self-reliance in general.
When you push away or repress your feelings, you may find yourself using your dynamics with others to work through your issues or express your frustration. Instead, become more self-reliant by learning how to be more in tune with your feelings.
For example, try keeping a diary journal where you write at least half a page about your emotional experiences and the things that evoked them. A further important aspect of emotional self-reliance is improving your ability to sit with uncomfortable or difficult emotions. Mindfulness exercises can help here, as they enhance your mind’s ability to observe without judgment.
Once you’ve improved your ability to feel, experience and name your emotions, you can further heighten your self-reliance by working out new ways to deal with negative feelings. Instead of needing to take your anger out on other people, for example, you can learn to use the mature defense mechanism of sublimation.
In other words, you can channel fury or irritation into an activity like running, art or a competitive team sport. If you have such an activity to fall back on, you become much more self-reliant when it comes to regulating your emotions.
Finally, your self-reliance will be hampered by any strong tendency to judge your worth or access compared to others. Start looking inwards for acceptance and worth, instead of being unable to view yourself positively unless there’s proof you’re “better” than the average.
Try writing down a list of at least 20 things that you like about yourself. Then, stick it up where you can see it. These reasons will help to connect you to the truth that you are lovable, talented, unique and worthwhile. They should also discourage you from relying on comparisons for your self-esteem.
Using the Overcoming Codependency Hypnosis track can help you to: