Do you ever find yourself worrying about how people see you? Perhaps you look in the mirror and wonder “Am I attractive?”, or maybe you struggle to believe compliments.
In truth, a very large part of attractiveness actually comes from the level of confidence we feel and project. Yes, there are also practical ways to adjust your appearance in order to boost your appeal, but a simple change in mindset goes a long toward making you much more attractive.
Think about the most appealing people you've ever met. Chances are, they're not merely good looking. But how do you develop that kind of magnetic appeal for yourself?
In this article, we'll explain how attractiveness links up with success in other areas of life. More importantly, we'll offer you five actionable strategies that will make you more attractive pretty much immediately.
Finally, we'll talk about how you can make the most of your newfound appeal.
Let's start by considering how you should think of attractiveness, and why it's important. First, note that attractiveness doesn't just mean looking good.
The physical appearance you were born with doesn't necessarily have a huge bearing on how attractive you are.
In addition, remember that there are always ways to make the most of your looks – more on that later.
However, regardless of how you look, we want to suggest that you can make yourself extremely attractive just by shifting your attitude.
A highly attractive person is someone who attracts good things into their life due to their confidence and charisma. When you're attractive in this way, people flock to you, as do new opportunities.
And if we're talking about this type of attractiveness, it's very important indeed.
As we've stressed, there's a link between confidence and attractiveness. Quite simply, most people are drawn to confident individuals.
Imagine two people walk into the room – one is hunched over and is looking down at the ground, while the other has their head back and a broad smile on their faces. Where would your eyes be drawn?
Who would you prefer to talk to, if this information is all that you know about these people? This gives you a sense of just how powerful signals of confidence can be.
Research shows that no matter what you're trying to do, exuding confidence reliably leads people to judge you as more competent. This applies in job interviews, in your dating life, during pitches to potential clients, and just about everywhere else.
Even when you're alone, if you feel confident then you're more likely to be productive and achieve your goals.
And if you're not yet confident, there is some evidence that even feigning confidence is deeply attractive. In some personal development and coaching literature, this is called “acting as if”.
In other words, you behave as though you already have the thing you desire (whether it's money, confidence, or a great body), and just that act already helps you get what you want.
So, we've talked about how attractiveness goes beyond mere physical appearance, even though how you look does play a role. We've also explained why confidence may be more key to confidence than any other trait or quality.
Let's now move on to consider the concrete steps that you can take in order to become more attractive today. For each of these five techniques, we'll give you some examples of how you can deploy them in different contexts.
While looks aren't everything, how you present yourself plays a significant role in the people and opportunities you attract. Firstly, it's important to dress nicely, but this can be interpreted in a wide range of ways.
Try to make sure you dress to reflect who you are, or who you want to be. If something makes you feel authentic and confident, that's the right outfit for you (as long as it's broadly appropriate for the setting).
Ultimately, how an outfit makes you feel matters much more than particular trends, as that good feeling breeds the confidence you need to be magnetic. Good grooming is also key here.
Again, there's no rule book you need to follow here – just keep your body and hair clean, and pick a hairstyle that flatters you.
If you're not sure what works, pick something that mirrors someone you admire, then try a twist on that style to make it your own.
Ask yourself “What's my self-image?”. It can be helpful to make a list of words that reflect how you see yourself. Be honest, and include the less favorable descriptions that come to mind.
For example, you might note that you see yourself as compassionate (positive), introverted (neutral), and boring (negative).
For each negative or neutral item on the list, challenge yourself to come up with a new description that is wholly positive.
Perhaps introverted becomes thoughtful, and boring becomes reliable. This process is intended to teach you that your self-image is entirely a matter of perspective, and you can choose to have a positive view of yourself.
That said, it's good to have aspirations as well, so try to come up with three further words as goals. For example, you might add “creative” and “patient”. What do you need to do to develop these traits? Choose two actions you can take this week.
Boosting confidence and overall attractiveness also requires maintaining a positive mindset.
We talked above about how to cultivate your self-image, so let's think about how you can see everything in a more optimistic light. Here, it's helpful to learn techniques that stop negative thoughts in their tracks.
Here are four:
Flip negatives into positives (e.g., “I can't go out because it's raining” becomes “I can use a cozy day inside to work on a creative project”).
Picture a stop sign in your mind, or say “Stop” out loud.
“Anchor” yourself to a positive memory that makes you feel good. Each time you picture it, touch your forefinger and thumb together. In time, just touching those two fingers together will trigger a good feeling.
Do something physical every time you feel negative. This distracts you and releases endorphins that will boost your mood. Even just 10 minutes of dancing or a 15-minute jog can make a difference.
Self-discovery enhances your self-awareness and promotes self-acceptance, which in turn boosts confidence in an attractive way. What do we mean by self-discovery? Anything that causes you to reflect and to get to know yourself better.
Keeping a journal is a particularly good idea, even if you only write a few lines about your feelings each day. Therapy or talking to a non-judgemental friend can serve a similar role here if you find it easier to self-reflect out loud.
Another fun part of self-discovery involves learning about new talents that make you an even more multifaceted and interesting. What's something you've always wanted to try?
And what do you have to lose if you start trying to do that thing this week?
Whether it's learning a new language or instrument, writing a novel, gaining a new qualification, or going to dance classes, you'll boost your confidence and your attractiveness by getting to know yourself better.
Never under-estimate how attractive genuine compassion, empathy, and generosity can be. Again, think about some of the people you find the most appealing.
It's likely that they make meaningful connections with others and have a genuine interest in helping people live their best lives.
In addition, it's worth noting that regularly making time to be good to others simply makes you feel better about yourself. This manifests in more magnetic confidence, drawing others towards you.
All that said, it's important to respect your own boundaries when being kind to others. You don't need to drain all your resources and run yourself into the ground to be a good or attractive person.
In fact, you can't really help others if you don't look after yourself. So, know how much you can give while staying healthy and happy, and draw the line there.
At this point, you've expanded your sense of what it means to be attractive and you've started to think about how you can become more attractive to others.
With all of this in mind, let's think in a bit more depth about the benefits you can gain from being confident and magnetic.
Firstly, you're more likely to be your best if you pursue your goals with confidence and determination, knowing you deserve the things you want.
You also become more stable, responding more effectively to stress. Instead of spiraling into self-doubt and pushing others away, the attractive and confident person meets problems head-on and emerges victorious one way or another.
Even when you don't get the results you wanted, your confidence will let you learn useful lessons without self-hatred raising its head. In addition, the more confident and attractive you are, the less likely you are to hold yourself back.
Instead of assuming you can't do things or can't handle difficulty, you'll lean into challenges and take risks. This promotes growth and reduces regret.
There are also three more specific forms of confidence that are intimately connected to attractiveness and happiness – body confidence, social confidence, and dating confidence.
For many of us, body confidence is particularly hard to attain. We're constantly bombarded by messages about how we're supposed to look, many of which are supported by unrealistic filtered and photoshopped images.
However, consider just how much your body is capable. Whether you've carried children, played a sport, danced, or traveled, your body has sustained and supported you.
It deserves to be loved and valued. And if you can attain body confidence, so much more happiness will follow.
Consider again a contrast between two people. One has a “flawless” body and stands with a straight face, and the other is a little overweight or a little underweight but is laughing, telling stories, and offering kindness.
Most would automatically be much more attracted to the second person, even though they're supposed to be less ideal. So, if you can make peace with your body and come to love it, others will love it (and you!) as well.
We've already noted that social confidence will draw people to you. This comes with personal and professional benefits, helping you develop friendships and network with people who can support your career.
In addition, we're innately social beings, and the connections we gain from our social confidence can make us happier, healthier people.
The five techniques described above will help you with social confidence However, you can also try some specific tricks that help you boost social confidence when you're struggling a little.
For example, focus on active listening – on reflecting back on what you hear, and on using your body language to demonstrate your interest.
Secondly, try to keep your own posture open, with your shoulders loose and relaxed and your arms by your side or on your lap.
Humour also goes a long way to boost social cohesion, so if you've got a funny story then share it! Positive responses will breed confidence for next time.
If you're dressing to feel good and are taking care of your grooming, you're already promoting dating confidence.
When you feel confident on a date, you can be authentic, and the benefits here are huge – you'll know someone is really connecting with you, not with some facade that you're presenting.
In addition, dating confidence encourages people to treat you with respect, as you're indicating that you know you deserve it.
Meanwhile, if someone is put off by your confidence, that's a helpful early sign that this person isn't prepared to be with an equal. That isn't someone you want in your life.
Dating confidence can be one of the hardest types to master, however. Try to stay in the mindset that every date can be fun and helpful in its own right.
If you enjoy the person's company, that's a success, but even just learning about yourself teaches you more about what you need in a partner.
Do you want to be even more attractive than ever before? These self-hypnosis tracks from ehypnosis.com can help you develop a new kind of confidence and positivity that continuously draws others toward you.
Ehypnosis.com has tracks available for you to listen to any time and in the privacy of your own home, the recorded sessions focus on getting under your conscious barriers and changing your negative, outdated beliefs.
Often, we're our own worst critics and repeatedly get in our own way, making ourselves unappealing by constantly focusing on the fear that we are unappealing.
It can be incredibly tough to break this negative cycle, but hypnosis is uniquely suited to help you think differently and much more positively.
So, whether you want to boost your dating confidence, get ahead at work by becoming more assertive, or just feel better about yourself every day, try self-hypnosis today.