Do you worry about whether the people you love know just how much you love them? Perhaps you're anxious about showing love and find it difficult to do so. Maybe it makes you feel vulnerable, or you downplay your love because you're worried about the fear of rejection.
If you have a loving heart but don't know quite how to show it, you may feel like you're not good enough. This can happen in any important relationship in your life, but it's a particularly common problem in romantic partnerships.
Now, what can you do about it?
In this guide to showing love, we'll explore why and how you should show love to others, emphasizing the importance of being true to your authentic self throughout.
We'll work through five meaningful ways you can show love and care for your partner, we'll also look at how you can preserve your relationship by forever keeping the romance alive.
Let's start by considering why love is so important. Firstly, as social animals, we all have a basic underlying need for close contact and affection.
When someone shows compassion and clearly demonstrates their love for us, it prompts the release of feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin. So, experiencing love supports our well-being.
In addition, love supports our personal growth and promotes self-acceptance. If someone is showing us compassion and empathy even when we're struggling, we get the message that we're unconditionally valuable.
While our confidence and sense of worth should ultimately come from within, these external indicators of our value can be crucial in helping us take the first steps towards self-esteem.
As well as needing to experience love, psychological research shows us that we also have a deep-seated need to love others. In fact, it turns out that we need this just as much as we need to receive love.
Studies measuring well-being and satisfaction show that we are reliably happier when we do something caring for others. This even applies to act of kindness we might do for strangers.
For example, one famous experiment gave participants money to spend on themselves or others. Those who chose to spend the money on others tested as happier! This isn't always true, as this may depend on the person's love language.
Love, then, is important to us as both givers and receivers. With that in mind, let's turn to look at how to go about showing love to others.
Of course, there's plenty that we can do for others. If you reflect on it now, you can probably easily think of five things you could do for your partner.
But if you're going to adopt the mindset of showing love in a way that makes both you and your beloved happy, you need to stay true to yourself. There are two major components to this advice.
The first concerns the authentic expression of your feelings, and the second concerns authentic compassion.
Firstly, you have to figure out how to show love to someone in ways that authentically express your emotions. In other words, don't just give any compliment or buy any gift – make a gesture that captures what you love and appreciate about this other person.
Being yourself will move your beloved much more than a token gesture that doesn't fit your personality or your feelings.
Secondly, when you show compassion, it's important that you truly feel it. We all have times when we struggle to empathize with a loved one, but challenge ourselves to take a moment and put ourselves in their shoes.
What do you imagine it might feel like? What would you need if you were this person? Use your empathy and your imagination to help you figure out how to express compassion.
Now that you have a deeper understanding of why and how we should show love while being true to ourselves, we can consider some effective approaches (along with illustrative examples).
Here are five things you can do to show your partner love and compassion today.
Consider a digital detox if you want to show your partner appreciation. Most of us are used to keeping half of our attention on our smartphones or laptops at all times, but this reduces our ability to fully engage with the present moment.
More importantly, it means we're not really engaging with people in our lives. For example, think back to the last time you talked to your partner without making eye contact, typing on a device all the while.
When you propose a digital detox (whether for dinner or a weekend), you make a clear statement that you truly want your partner to be the center of your attention.
And you'll see that the effects are almost immediate. When you're not busy checking for likes on your social media pages, you can properly tune into what your partner is saying, and into what you're seeing together.
Once you've done it once, digital detoxes might turn into a regular occurrence.
The advice “listen to others” might sound obvious, but we often listen less effectively than we'd like to believe.
Even if we're not dominating the conversation, sometimes we're just waiting for our turn to add something, or we're multi-tasking and only taking in bits and pieces of what is being said.
To properly listen to others, you need to give them your full attention. When you do so, they feel heard, valued, and like you understand them.
Active listening techniques are very helpful if you want to improve your ability to listen. For example, ask open questions – ones which can't merely be answered with a “yes” or a “no”.
In addition, regularly paraphrase and summarise what you think you've heard, so that you can check your understanding and demonstrate your attentiveness.
And if you feel empathy, express it – let them know you are trying to imagine how they feel.
If you tune into the little things, you can learn so much more about your partner. You'll also give them a sense of being fully loved and appreciated.
Noticing the little things doesn't mean you have to be a mind reader, but it does mean that you should observe signs of your partner's moods.
For example, try to notice body language. Is your partner sitting openly, or are their arms folded in defensiveness?
Have they been frowning in stress all day, or singing in a way that suggests excitement?
Let them know what you've noticed, and let them know that you're interested in hearing more. Meanwhile, be receptive and reflective when they share similar observations with you.
Noticing the little things will also give you helpful clues about when your partner needs a little extra compassion.
Learn the signs that they are tired and could use further help with chores, and know that sometimes just giving a hug can mean the world.
Some people value gifts more than others, but most are moved by a genuinely thoughtful gift that could often have been picked out by someone who really knows them.
Here, it's again important to pay attention to the little things that make your partner unique.
Often, picking the small gift that speaks to their passions and interests will mean so much more than something expensive or lavish. Pick out things that say “I see you, and I really appreciate you for who you are.”
Meanwhile, let your partner know that you appreciate these kinds of gifts as well.
Part of giving meaningful gifts also involves not restricting gifts to anniversaries and holidays. Try giving some gifts just because you appreciate something your partner has done, or simply because you were thinking about them.
Consider also marking non-traditional anniversaries, such as the anniversary of the day you met or the day you had your first kiss.
When you've been together for a while, it can be natural to simply start assuming that your partner knows how you feel. However, while you're assuming this, they may be feeling unappreciated, or they may be wondering whether you still love them as much as you used to.
Think back to a time when you felt this way, and you'll be able to see how you can easily interpret someone's silence as a negative sign about your relationship.
There are lots of ways to express how much someone means to you. For example, you can flag daily events, such as appreciating something they did for you (such as cooking).
You can also make grand statements, such as reminding them why you love them above all others. This of creative ways to express this love, too. Slipping a love note into someone's pocket almost always raises a smile.
So, now you've reflected on the importance of both giving and receiving love, and of being authentic in doing so. A further useful lesson to learn is that maintaining love requires a delicate balance between comfort and excitement.
Of course, you don't want the relationship to be so unpredictable that you feel unsafe, and you don't want your partner to be so mysterious that they perplex you.
And it's wonderful to be comfortable with a partner – to let them see all sides of you, and to be able to relax with them. However, it's important to avoid becoming best friends, which can happen when you get overly familiar with a partner.
Give some serious thought to how you can combine comfort with genuine, surprising moments of romance. Using the five techniques described above, you help to keep the romance and excitement alive.
You avoid settling into a comfortable but boring routine, and you constantly remind each other of why you have something special.
In addition, try to instigate regular conversations where you explore old memories of your childhood, your dreams, your fantasies, and your fears.
This reminds you that you don't know everything about your partner – there's still much to discover and find exciting.
As noted at the outset, love nourishes and sustains us.
We feel good when we experience and demonstrate love, and we feel good when we receive it from others.
It helps us develop, improves our self-esteem, and assists us in moving on from past pain.
In fact, it's really impossible to have too much love around and inside you.
If you want to increase and attract even more love into your life, using the Law of Attraction techniques is a wonderful place to start.
The focus on positivity, gratitude, and harmony doesn't just help you cultivate self-love and acceptance – it also helps you become the kind of person who draws other loving people toward you.
And if you're struggling to love yourself or to find a romance that lasts, using the Law of Attraction can help you manifest lasting connections that satisfy you and help you grow.
