Do you feel destined to live the single life? Perhaps you’ve had several difficult relationships, endured the pain of heartbreak and learned that avoiding relationships leads to an easier life. While some people genuinely prefer to live without a partner, there’s a difference between this and simply building a wall around your heart to protect yourself from future hurt.
Since you tell yourself you won’t find the right relationship, the universe responds by manifesting just that; bad dates, people who treat you poorly, and more evidence that you’ll be alone forever.
Even if someone seems appealing or you don’t yet have enough information to make a fair assessment, you manage to focus on why you’re “obviously” not right for each other. You should let go of the idea of perfection as you could be putting too much pressure and expectation on yourself, your date and your relationships.
First impressions matter, but do you find you are very quick to judge how you feel about potential new partners? This is a quick and easy way to dismiss people and avoid really getting to know them; your mind effectively tears others down to defend yourself against the mere idea of interpersonal hurt.
Every new person immediately gets compared to someone who hurt you previously, and you retreat based on the belief that this individual will unavoidably cause you pain as well.
If you keep looking to the past for guidance, this can easily allow these memories to keep you stuck in negative memories. While this can be unpleasant, it also comes with a sense of safety.
Letting go involves grieving what has been lost, and finding a way to put down the pain you’re carrying.
Similarly to the last point, you may be holding onto to anger and resentment. You haven’t found a way to forgive these people, and the resentment you feel actually energized you in some ways; it’s easier to focus on revenge than on healing.
You don’t really let people see the real you or hear you talk honestly about yourself. Once again, this is a protective mechanism, but it can also lead to a deep, lonely ache.
In the event that you do find yourself interested in someone, you hesitate to share any of that attraction and are afraid to tell the person how you feel. You’re paralyzed by a fear of failure or by thoughts of past hurt.
Perhaps you outright believe that you don’t deserve a happy relationship. In your heart of hearts, you believe you’ll never find anyone and that this is somehow a deserved fate.
Whenever you do date someone you find yourself trying to change them into the person you want them to be, rather than loving or accepting them for the person they really are.
If someone tries to push past your defensive barriers and cultivate an authentic, close connection to you, this cause intense anxiety. You find yourself resisting this type of genuine affection at all costs.
When you contemplate the idea of having a partner, you feel that they need to check absolutely every box on your list of traits that make up an ideal mate. Anyone who doesn’t manage to do so is dismissed.
In the moments when you think you might find love, your fantasy is that the other person will make you complete, save you from your pain or allow you to feel valued. You haven’t yet managed to fully believe that this type of love and completeness must come from within.
This may be because you don’t like the idea of meeting new people; the thought makes you nervous, and you worry that social interactions will lead to embarrassment or pain.
Pictures of weddings, children, and vacations make you feel tormented.
Weddings are particularly uncomfortable for you, given that they focus on the theme of celebrating love.
Other people persecute you, and you have no control over what happens to you. This can be a source of panic and bitterness, but it can also absolve you of any responsibility for your own happiness in relationships.