In your efforts to become a more positive person and develop the life you’ve always wanted, you’re bound to encounter certain roadblocks. Some of these setbacks will relate to deeply ingrained childhood messages that you receive from your parents, teachers, and even peers.
Here are six of the most common, along with tips that will help you overcome them. Even recognizing that these messages may be influencing you is an important step towards writing a more satisfying “life script.”
But if you feel like you need more help getting past these limiting conditions, download our free ebook, ‘Awakening To Abundance‘. This can help you to discover that you already have what it takes to achieve happiness in your life and that you have limitless potential in your life.
Do you always put other people first? Or, do you define your worth by what you can do for them?
While it’s wonderful to make selfless gestures or give your time to good causes, be wary of meeting other people’s needs at the expense of your own.
You may have internalized this type of message if you grew up trying to bring happiness to your parents in an unhappy marriage. Alternatively, this behavior could be present if you needed to care for an ill parent.
It’s vital to learn to feel good about caring for yourself; perhaps start by spending an hour a day on a relaxing activity.
This childhood message is particularly commonly found in men, who may have internalized it from the words and deeds of their fathers (though that’s not to say that some women don’t feel discomfort around expressing emotions as well).
You may have been told that only weak people show sadness or experience grief, or been ridiculed if you showed your sensitive side. In truth, all emotions are valid and can offer chances for personal development—even difficult ones like pain and anger.
Go against this message and get in touch with your feelings by keeping a journal (even if you only write a page a day), making a point of describing the most important emotions you experienced during the day.
A relic of a childhood constantly spent trying to be the best at everything, this message leaves you feeling guilty, ashamed and low if you’re ever anything less than brilliant at everything you do.
However, mistakes and difficulties can actually be viewed as valuable chances for learning and improvement. Each time you notice that you’re berating yourself for making an error, write it down in a notebook alongside three positive things that can come out of this development.
For example, if you didn’t get a job then you might write down two things you learned from the interview, and one further opportunity you wouldn’t have if you had been picked for the position.
Sometimes explicitly communicated as a life lesson about “strength” and sometimes simply implied through lack of care, a message that you can’t rely on other people will also stop you from ever feeling truly close to another.
For example, you might struggle to be open to feeling intense connections in romantic relationships, attempt to cope with grief alone and feel like you always stand apart from the world around you.
There is no quick way to move past this type of belief, but a concentrated effort to show more vulnerability to friends and partners may be rewarded with a kindness that encourages you to keep slowly opening up.
If you had traditional parents who thought that children should be seen and not heard, you might still have difficulties finding your voice.
This issue can manifest in an unwillingness to defend yourself when someone tries to walk all over you or might appear more subtly in the way that you always capitulate to the preferences of the others in your social group.
However, if you never assert yourself then you’re bound to miss out on key opportunities to pursue your goals.
You don’t have to be rude and aggressive to be assertive—practice firmly but clearly stating your preferences, and experiment with politely saying that you disagree with someone’s perspective.
Sometimes conveyed by parents who are trying to avoid their child being bullied (and at other times conveyed by parents who are embarrassed by their child’s experimentation with identity), this message can leave you feeling like the “real you” just isn’t good enough.
While you might attract friends and be successful, it’s hard to feel truly valued when much of your life involves displaying a façade. Every time someone acknowledges and compliment something you feel is a core part of who you are, write it down and watch the affirming messages stack up.
In addition, consider joining a club that focuses on a niche interest that really speaks to your passions.
It can sometimes be hard to be happy all of the time, but we should try our hardest to make this a reality.
With our free ebook, ‘Awakening To Abundance', you can discover that you already have the ability to achieve happiness, wealth and health in your life.
