Do you struggle to feel good about yourself? If you do, you’re not alone. However, we don’t begin life with low self-esteem. Self-confidence is something we acquire through difficult experiences, often in our families or other close relationships. For example, perhaps you were rarely praised, received the message that your value was conditional or was even bullied. Whatever the cause of your self-confidence problems, you likely struggle to believe that you deserve the good things you’re trying to use the Law of Attraction to manifest.
If in doubt, our free personalized quiz can help reveal these particular causes and other issues that may be holding you back from full manifestation potential.
The good news is that there are paths to acquiring and maintaining the self-confidence you need for success, changing the negative thought patterns that make you believe you are unworthy.
Here are five steps you can take.
Think about what happens to your physical health if you fill your body with junk; it goes downhill.
The same is true of your mental health. If you only “feed” it negative thoughts, its constitution is damaged. However, just as some people mindlessly snack their way through a whole pack of potato chips without really noticing, so too do many have an ongoing background commentary of negative thoughts throughout the day.
You can use a negativity log to become more conscious of this and to work on changing it (in the same way you might use a diet or fitness app to help boost your physical health). The basic idea is just to write each negative thought down as it arises. You can also use this technique to identify specific patterns of negative thinking, which may give you a sense of any unfinished business that you may need to let go (or work on in therapy).
Once you are more aware of when and how you tend to think negative thoughts about yourself, it’s important to find a way to stop these thoughts as they arise.
One technique for this involves wearing a rubber band on one of your wrists and snapping it each time you catch yourself thinking badly of yourself.
So, for example, if you’re trying to manifest love and you start thinking you’re ugly on your way to a date, snap that band!
This exercise works best if you add another step after you snap the rubber band. Namely, if you try and replace the negative thought with a positive one.
So, “I don’t look good enough” is replaced with “Everyone always tells me I have a beautiful smile.” This process can be frustratingly slow at first, but if you let it become second nature then you’ll see how powerful it can be.
To help with this, add our 10 Quotes To Help Kick Negativity to the Curb to your bookmarks or print them out for reminders and hints. Alternatively, like and follow our Facebook page for daily quotes and reaffirmations.
If you can, it’s great to come up with a list of concrete things you do like about yourself. However, if you’re battling low self-esteem, that list might be pretty short at first.
To help enhance your perspective on all your positive traits, approach people you trust for some feedback; simply ask them for some things they value about you and keep them in mind.
Be careful about who you approach, choosing only those who can be relied upon to understand what you’re doing and support you in your quest for self-confidence.
Do whatever you like with these comments. List them and pin them to your mirror, put them on sticky notes around the house, incorporate them into your affirmations, or set them as reminders on your phone.
Further Reading: How To Build Confidence With These 5 Self Confidence Tips
While it’s very useful in the beginning stages to anchor a positive self-image in the verifiable feedback you get from others, long-lasting self-esteem must ultimately come from within. The external feedback you get will only help to temporarily build you up, and if you rely on it entirely then you only reinforce the dangerous assumption that your value hinges on your worth to others.
Try to see step three above as a way to get yourself on the first rung of the ladder of improved self-confidence, with a view to kicking that ladder out from under you when you develop a stable internal locus of self-worth.
Finally, if you are used to having low self-esteem then you may often feel trapped in your own head, constantly thinking of your mistakes, comparing yourself to others and wondering why you’re not good enough. As well as using the rubber band technique described above, it can be very useful to try and turn some of that intense focus outwards. In other words, towards the world and away from yourself.
A great way to do this is to channel some of your energy into something you feel passionate about, preferably in a new way that lets you learn and grow.
Whether it’s signing up for a new course, listening to a hypnosis for confidence, learning a new language, taking on a volunteer work or starting to spend time on creative writing, you’re taking time away from negative self-talk and giving yourself more reasons to feel good at the same time.
And don’t forget that we help ourselves by helping others as well. The latest research shows that people who perform compassionate acts are more likely to feel stronger positive emotions and score as having better mental health.